Over the years The Wurzels have performed numerous times on television and radio, but in the 1970's/1980's they made several appearances singing tracks that have never appeared on official recordings. This page will give links to such appearances, the intention is to add more in the future!
That's Life ! was a magazine-style television series between 1973 and 1994, presented by Esther Rantzen throughout the entire run, with various changes of co-presenters. The show presented hard-hitting investigations alongside satire and occasional light entertainment. The Wurzels made three appearances on "That's Life" - each time in a specially commissioned music-video. None of these were ever commercially released. When Professor Wurzel approached Dame Esther in 2021 about having these appearances on her show made visible on this website she was only too pleased to help him! "Esther says 'yes', of course, I’d be honoured!" she said and sent her love to her 'favourite band' " so thank you indeed Dame Esther!!! .....so here we go all you Wurzel fans - enjoy!
The techy bit - In the United Kingdom, the 'green pound' was the common name for an exchange rate that was used to calculate the value of financial support within the European Union's Common Agricultural Policy The 'green pound' ended with the introduction of the euro in 1999.The 'green pound' was hotly debated and ridiculed for many years and in February 1977 Esther Ransom asked The Wurzels to help explain to her viewers what it was all about...This track was only ever performed once, for this show. Song Lyrics
The techy bit - In 1977 the UK Labour government introduced separate devolution bills for Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland following the support for a Scottish parliament by the Kilbrandon Commission. A referendum was held on the creation of a Welsh parliament which was rejected by Welsh voters. Meanwhile, Scotland had narrowly voted in favour of a Scottish parliament with 51.6% in favour In April 1977 Esther Ransom, with all the news headlines about devolution in Scotland and Wales, became aware of the devolution issues around Upham village in Somerset and asked The Wurzels to help explain the issues to her viewers ... This track was only ever performed once, for this show. Song Lyrics
The techy bit - St Valentine was a 3rd-century Roman saint, commemorated in Christianity on February 14. His Saints' Day has been associated with a tradition of love. Saint Valentine was a priest in the Roman Empire . He was martyred and his body buried at the Via Flaminia cemetery on February 14, 269AD, which has been observed as the Feast of Saint Valentine (St Valentine's Day). In 1981 Esther Ransom asked The Wurzels what they thought it would be like for St Valentine if he was still around in the 20th Century they composed a little ditty for her...... This track was only ever performed once, for this show. Song Lyrics
The Green PoundWe used to rule the waves they sayOur sterling knew a better dayNow with green pounds we’ll have to payGreen pounds is ‘ere to stayNow we’re in the common marketThings are changing quite apaceWe drinks café for breakfastThen blanc with chips and plaiceWe buys our food from HollandBelgium, France and GermanyAnd we ‘as to pay with green poundsCos our own are all at seaWe used to rule the waves they sayOur sterling knew a better dayNow with green pounds we’ll have to payGreen pounds is ‘ere to stayI went off to marketSome pigs I thought to buyI saw some nice fat pink onesThat really caught me eyeI took the salesman to one sideHis price agreed to payBut when I took me cheque book outHe said with some dismayThose pigs won’t make pork chops for theeUnless green pounds you’ll give to meNow with green pounds we’ll have to payGreen pounds is ‘ere to stayDown on our farm in SomersetWe have a motley crewThere’s fräuleins in the chicken runThough the hens are still true blueWe ‘ad a Spanish toreadorWho came to milk the cowBut then that bullock saw ‘im firstHe speaks with a high voice nowThese foreigners from the EECThey work our farms [?]The green pound is their currencyGreen pounds is what we payThough we hopes to rule the waves they sayOur sterling knew a better dayNow with green pounds we’ll have to payGreen pounds is ‘ere to stay
Devolution of Upham(Chorus)We've got our own ideals, way down in the WestAnd we don't care what the Scots and Welsh do sayWe're gonna make some changes, it'll all be for the bestWhen devolution comes down Upham way!Down at the Duke of York, we've heard the landlord talkHe'll open up from dusk to dawn each dayHe's giving up the pound, cos there ain't so much aroundAnd a barrel of scrump will cost a bale of hayAn egg will buy a short, or half a glass of portAnd a stick of rhubarb buys a pint of beerBut Nell the young barmaid costs a gin and lemonadeBut Farmer Jones he reckons it's too dearIf your tractor should break down on the other side of townAnd you really feel your blood begin to boilWhen the Knacker's had your mule and you find you're out of fuelCos the Scots are keeping all the North Sea oilFor efficiency of course, bring back the faithful horseAlthough she's slow you'll find she's cheap to runAnd if you treat her well, and you can stand the smellThe bonus is a hundredweight of dung!(Repeat chorus)We teach our kids the arts, shove ha'penny punts and dartsSkittles poker and how to hold a cueWhen they begin to play with the visitors each dayWith luck they're sure to make a bob or twoOur snuff'll make you sneeze, you'll love our local cheeseOur scrumpy is the best that's ever beenWe recommend you try, a pasty and meat pieCos these are quite the best you've ever seen
We've got the promised land, the weather's really grandAnd tourists flock from miles around to seeHow we've shed all our cares, we runs our own affairsGot rid of income tax and VATSo now we've had our say, on devolution dayWe don't care what the Scots and Welsh decideSo if you want to devolute, raise your glass and say salute!And just let your conscience be your guide
(Repeat chorus)Devolution, comes down Upham way!
St Valentine
St Valentine as we all know was the patron saint of loversBut now in 1981 we find he's got the shuddersCos as 'ee looks around 'im, he finds to his dismayThat people are far worse off now than they were back in his dayHe came across a tavern, which was once used by the monksBut found to his amazement pink haired pimply punksThe girls they felt so jilted, and into tears they burstCos their boyfriends had to finish with the Space Invaders firstHe left the pub quite hastily after sampling all the winesAnd found his horse and cart was parked on double yellow linesWhat have we here, what are these lines, what I have parked my wagonHe soon found out, as she leapt out, the dreaded meter dragon(Chorus)Poor old Valentine, in the 20th centuryWhat can he do, where can he go, what a place to bePoor old Valentine, a sad old man was heWith income tax and by-laws and blooming VATHe headed up old Lover's Lane, a cart track in his dayBut all the traffic seemed to come a very different wayHello hello hello y'ere, a man in blue appearedHe was six foot twelve in his stockinged feet with a gurt big ginger beardLet me see your licence, insurance, MOTOr else I'll 'ave to ask you, to come along with meYou know this is a one way street, his anger not disguisedAnd just to do things by the book we'll 'ave you breathalysed(Repeat chorus)They're making saints redundant now with cutbacks and the likeCos saints ain't got no union, and they can't go on strikeI know you need a mortgage to cover postal chargesBut still remember Valentine by sending loving cardies
Lyrics Kindly transcribed by E.BryantVerified by Professor Wurzel